just being honest.

I'm just going to be transparent...

I'm attempting to be be stable. To stand in the truth of the goodness of God, knowing he will never fail me. He doesn't play games with our hearts, I know that...but it's hard. Really hard. Turns out the feelings are mutual...exciting yes? Omigosh, I am thrilled...excited for what is happening and what I hope continues. But I am absolutely terrified...I'm terrified of making myself vulnerable, acknowledging how I feel...because what if he doesn't...He's nervous...scared...apprehensive...all for valid reasons. I was engaged just a few months ago...he's had bad experiences with ladies in the past...he doesn't want to screw things up or hurt me. All of which I completely understand...but his nervousness makes me nervous. His apprehensiveness makes me , well, apprehensive. I'm making a priority to only move when he moves...
He senses direction, thats good. His family is happy. My family is happy. Our spiritual mom and dad are estatic. It really does comes down to what he wants...and if his desire can overcome his fear. Jesus...help him. Take away all the fear, uneasiness, etc.....fill his heart with peace and joy...
I look so forward to the day when he jumps in...says 'this is how I feel and I'm going after it!' The day when the walls are torn down and I can get to see him for who he really is...no worries of saying/doing the right thing, too much, too little..just him. Finding how what drives him nuts, makes him excited, gets on his nerves.. I can't wait...just from what I do know, I can only imagine what is yet to be seen...

But regardless of his unsettlednes, I am trusting in what the word promises....Love casts out all fears. I am standing on what is in my heart...it's a risk, yes....a terrifying, yet thrilling risk that I am willing to take. I'm choosing to believe....that daddy is totally guarding my heart and I am in a safe place. That WE are in safe place...because I trust him. I trust Jesus and I trust him...completely.

Daddy...make it happen. Wipe away the fear...wipe away the unsettledness...I trust you. Love is your speciality...you know how it works. I'm just gonna receive it...