March 23, 2006

A month has passed since our offer was accepted on 1903.

Oh, his heart. Every glimpse I have of his heart leaves me speechless, unable to truly grasp his greatness. I find myself sitting helplessly at his feet, undone, truly undone, as his desire for the one is causing daily miracles and shifts to take place. His desire to see life breathed into one little South Korean girl has caused him to constantly reveal himself in our (Mark and I) life...make us listen, papa. Our ears and eyes are tuned to you...you've gotten our attention.
Worship was awesome tonight. Jeff and the guys had a show in Grantham, PA, only a few minutes outside Hershey. I danced for awhile then found my usual position on the floor. I asked Papa to show me stuff...anything, really.
Mark and I were in our neighborhood, in the streets. I was looking down the streets and the street turned into an aisle...for a wedding. (A wedding in the streets, what a thought) He first called the orphaned. Hundreds, maybe even thousands, I saw as they walked to Jesus....truly a beautiful sight. Tears began to stream down my cheeks as next came the poor...followed by the widows, the oppressed, the deceived. The streets were lined not with houses but with churches...people began to flow from the churches and lined the streets...watching as those they had turned away walked toward Jesus. I had asked Papa what my parents had to do with everything that was happening. Mom and Dad were leading these people, flowing from their churches in repentance, realizing their ways and religion was simply that, their own ways and religion. I remember a vision I had a few years ago when I saw a long aisle with a door at the very end. A small boy ran down the aisle yelling "the bride is coming, the bride is coming!" I was walking down the aisle but as I got to the door, something stopped me. Papa said...no, I want to carry my bride across the threshold.
I saw Mark and I running through house after house, ripping off the veils, laughing...beautiful.
I asked Papa about Mrs. Betty and Mr. Phil...I saw a house. Mr. Phil was with the man, dressed up, speaking with soothing yet firm gentleness. I saw a woman, preparing for her wedding, Mrs. Betty at her side. They met in the middle of the house as the man knelt in front of her. I'm not sure if he was repenting or proposing...Mrs. Betty and Mr. Phil still stood with them as joy filled the room and the man and woman embraced....a little boy ran through the front door and into their arms. I asked Papa what it was and he said...
Not only are houses being built, they are being restored.
WHOA. Thank you, Jesus, thank you Papa. I began to feel a little hurt as I realized that some children that will come into our homes will not stay forever..my heart already ached as I saw the day they would leave. Papa quickly convicted me and I knew that grace and strength would come. He reminded me of "Union Station" and that trains come in divided and will leave united...thank you Jesus.
Jesus, continue to lift our veils. Continue to be our eyes...we can only lift their veils if we are able to see what you created underneath. Let us look beneath the exterior to see the beauty of your heart, taking hold of what is unseen and contending for your bride.

And you're doing this for the one...help me to get this, Jesus, help me to get this...our daughter in South Korea. Israel. Libya. Jerusalem, Kairo. The child that lives in our neighborhood. Me. Mark. Joseph. Cindy. Mr. Phil. Mrs. Betty.

Oh, God...I'm at your feet. I don't want to be anywhere else...I don't know how to be anywhere else...take this. This is yours...

March 22, 2006
I was with Laura at Starbucks and talking of the need to live outside my armor and live inside true intimacy, both in marriage with Mark and Jesus. Mark calls. Laura answers for a brief greeting before handing the phone to me. Within minutes, Holy Spirit and angels come to visit...my face and head immediately began to tingle as the weight on my chest was almost unbearable. Deep breaths. The phone still plastered to my left ear, I asked Papa...Papa, what is this....

"I lifted your veil."

This is what I heard.


Before I can pronounce you man and wife, the veil must be lifted. When the veil is lifted, true union is made --- true identity is released. True identity is the result of true reconciliation. As my bride is being prepared, veils must be lifted for I want my bride as I intended her to be ---- pure, perfect and true. And in my bride, let no one perish.
Your marriage is held at Union Station...a symbol that the TIME for union is now. Unveil. Lifted off the orphans as they come to me with their fathers. Lifted off the poor as their rags and crowns of thorns are replaced with the whitest and most beautiful robes. And the widows, oppressed and deceived. I want my bride as I created her to be. Live inside me. Push deeper. Stand in purity and truth. Those the world says should come last will come first.
Korea. 2. North and south---a country once united the enemy divided. Bring one from the north and one from the south and under your roof, they will be united.
The planks on the bridge I have laid. All you have to do is walk. Just walk. Just move. Your desire for intimacy is from me. Hold tight to your union. What is bred in your house shall flow into the streets. You will have influence and a voice. Your feet in the doors of media and music will remain. They will be used to announce the wedding. Union Station. Trains in and out. They come in divided and leave united and reconciled. Once the bride arrives, its time. Clear eyes, clear eyes, clear eyes for me, my ways and my voice. Only my voice for I am the one who will pronounce man and wife.

Relationships.
Person to person. Face to face. Spirit to spirit. Engaging each one as if the world had stopped until your encounter had ceased. Giving all of yourself...

Getting over myself, my issues, my stuff and running full force...freedom. I'm tasting it. I want more. Living outside my once safe-shield of strength in order to truly be who I am...embrace intimacy and vulnerability.

lesson of the day: disappointment is a cruel, ugly tool of the devil to make us underestimate ourselves and our faithful Papa.

another God-invaded moment at Fidos

I dont' know what it is about coffee shops that wreck me...an unexpected enviornment where Papa always shows up in the most unlikely ways. A sense of brokenness, maybe? I came here to do work...to read, study and attempt this thesis that is such a weight on my shoulders...eyes wellowing with tears..why?...well, maybe I'm due...

The day is Sunday, March 12. My last post being nearly a month ago, I feel somewhat foolish to even attempt to scribe the amazing workings of my sweet Jesus. I've found myself in an indescribeable God set-up...and in the midst of a movement of reconciliation...unable to truly grasp the greatness of the wonders He has so carefully crafted and placed me.

I'm beginning to realize the importance of living out of your true self...so often we are bombared with molds of expectation and attempt to melt ourselves to fit where we were never meant be. The freedom outside the molds of fear...wow. Free from the fear of my father's reaction. Free from the fear of disappointing others. Free from the fear of falling short.

Live from your heart---a phrase I hear often from a dear friend of time---live from your heart regardless of the costs and the opinions of man. Follow the tune of my spirit, knowing and relying that the dreams and desires were created specifically for me to fulfill. Move forward through the doors Papa opens for you, looking back only with a sense of thankfulness for where you've been and exitement & expectancy of where you're headed.

I am breathing every breath, overwhelmed by the goodness and greatness of our Daddy and his desire for us to walk out this amazing life he has planned...