and I pledge my allegiance.

Mallory.

Papa?

May I have your womb?

My womb?...

Yes, your womb. May I have your womb to birth my dreams....?

I was sitting on the floor. Feeling little. Despite the resounding beats cascading from the stage and the rapid movement of bodies surrounding me, the slightest whisper of Papa calling my name immediately enveloped me into a world all of my own. Just me and daddy.

May I have your womb to birth my dreams...?

The weight and intensity carried by the question quickened my spirit and I immediately knew the answer I would inevitably give could not be given lightly ... looking down, I noticed the dirt on my feet that seems to have become as familiar as my own skin. And I saw my hands and remembered how my son Matteus would put his hand against mine, look at me and smile as if the touch spoke more than words ever could. I was wearing an old brown skirt my mom bought me right before my first trip to Mozambique...I always laughed because that skirt was the ony piece of clothing that lasted throughout all my adventures ... but that morning the thought seemed almost somber, realizing the memories sewn into that scraggly peice of cloth and here I was...wearing it. and remembering. And my heart...I noticed the beat of my own heart, suddenly understanding the beauty of life's dependecy on the very core of who we are...as long as our heart lives...we live.

Becoming aware of these intricacies, I listened carefully to Papa's heart. And with a deep breath responded to his question with the answer my spirit had long before given...

Yes, daddy...my womb is yours.

And over the past six months, I have watched as my womb has grown and he has continually planted the seeds of his dreams inside me. To grow. To be nutured. To be loved. Knowing my responsibility was that of Mary...to simply believe. To understand dreams are only dreams if they surpass reality and I must no longer see with natural eyes, but I must see with the eyes of my spirit...and believe. The deeper I journeyed into his heart, the higher I flew with Jesus...and everything in my sight was seen with his eyes...and the seeds he planted became deeply engrained in my heart and suddenly, his dreams became my own and I found myself fighting as if my life depended upon their fulfillment.

But then something happened. Something changed. I changed.

My life was thrown into a complete whirlwind and my certainies were suddenly uncertain and anything I thought was stable was suddenly unstable. And despite my initial reactions, I still heard his voice ... calling out...

Mallory. Lift up your eyes from where you are. Look to the North. the South. the East. the West. Everything in your sight I am giving to you.

But my eyes couldn't see and my ears couldn't hear and I felt as if I were holding an open womb ... exposure to even the slightest wind seemed terrifying. And if the depth my heart ached to keep his dreams safe was any inclination of Papa's desire to keep them safe and fulfilled...God, forbid me from standing in your way...

So I cried out. I cried out for mercy. I cried out that if my womb could not birth his dreams and if my womb was not safe...he would take them away...and plant them that was safe. And trusted. The pain was unbearable but my desire to see his dreams fulfilled completely supassed my desire to "be" in this move of God...I would have done anything...just don't let your dreams perish...

But over the past few weeks, I have watched the secrets he has whispered...each whisper planting a seed in my womb...begin to be birthed. Right in front of me. Tears streamed down my cheeks as understanding and revelation poured ... and I saw...I saw Jesus. I saw his fiery passion for his bride totally supercede the enemies' deceit and man's fallibility. mercy manifested. theological barriers broken and bridges of reconciliation bringing complete restoration to families. a husband and wife experience true, complete love and inviting daddy's lost into their home...

And so how can I not believe... how could I not fall, totally wrecked and undone, at the feet of my sweet Jesus. I've always said "I just love Jesus" and while that remains true, I realize my life with Jesus is much deeper...I just love Jesus in such a way that my life is no longer my own and I will give every ounce of who I am to passionately pursue the dreams of His heart. I will live where he wants me to live, I will go where he wants me to go, I will be who he wants me to be...me.

Fully. Wholly. Completely. And that...I will guard with my life...

And so I pledge my allegiance, to you, my sweet Jesus...I pledge my allegiance to you.