Hungry. So hungry.

the reality of my heart.

Sitting at Portland Brew...

And as I come into this place
May all around me be erased
And I focus on your ways
May I lose myself in your embrace.

I need you more
More than words can say
I need to see your face.
I need you more
More than words can say
I need to see your face.

Jesus, I need you. I need to see your face and feel the warmth of your embrace. As long as I can live in your presence and reside in your heart, I'll do anything. I'll go anywhere. Jesus, one glimpse of your eyes, one touch of your hands, one gaze into your heart isn't enough...I want all of you, papa. I've never experienced the longing and overwhelming desire I feel when I think of you. It's as if I've hit a wall of bricks and my feet can go no further until I have more...so I stop.

I stop and my face meets the dirt as the reality of the desperation and the hunger I have for you overtakes my very being. Oh, sweet Jesus. You are so good. You are so sweet. You are so lovely. More and more and more and more and more...of you. The words of my heart are poetry to you, my sweet love. Walking with your eyes, Jesus, has changed my life...but without the rest of you, I can do nothing.

Tears stream down my cheeks
As your goodness draws me near
To a place of love and mercy
And your face I see and your words I hear

Eyes locked on your yours
A gaze speaks a thousand words
As you whipser to me the secrets
That your heart longs for us to know

You are good so I am good
You are strong so I am strong
You are love so I am love
You were sick so I am healed
You were captured so I could be free
You died...so I could have LIFE. ABUNDANTLY!

So I receive...I receive...I receive...all you have for me.

I love feeling little. I love closing my eyes and burying myself into the arms of my Jesus. My lover. My heart's home. I love feeling the sovereignity of my King and taking my place in the palm of his presence, hiding away in the wrinkle of his hands.

Then, just as his comfort envelops the essence of who I am, I feel his fingers curl open, ever so gently. Movement. Do I dare peek? A tiny glance reveals we've taken flight, going up. Where? Not sure. Not sure I even want to know. Or see. It's funny. Speed accelerating yet I am firm, steady in papa's palm. Eyes close again and I feel wind on my cheek . It's the wind of Papa's breath, as he whispers in my ear...

If you live in my heart, you have all of me. You are not alone. No need to fear for my hands are with yours, my feet are with yours and my words are yours.

Deep breath. Ok. Eyes tight, I put my hands down to feel the coolness of Papa's skin, noticing how compared to his, my fingers were like grains of sand on miles of beach. So small. Hands firmly on his, I pull my feet underneath my body and begin to straighten my legs. Slow. Legs upright, I pull up my shoulders. I'm up.

The wind of the world is pushing against my body. Flying? Impossible. I don't dare open my eyes.

"Lift up your eyes from where you are. Look to the North, South, East & West. Everything in your sight I am giving to you."

A glimpse. Soaring. Fear blown adrift as my eyes widen at what they behold. Silence seems loud as I realize what I am seeing. Secrets. Of my heart. Of His. As if he was showing me clips of His plans. For our life...and the world.

Unspeakable. Dare I believe?

Stay firm in my palm. Abide in my heart. My hands are constant. Unshakeable. Your home is here. Rest forever.
But the time is now. Open your eyes.
And Stand.
Stand. When no one else will. You must.

OK. I am. I believe.

Unspeakable.

Silence preceeds my words and thoughts as what happened today lessens any mutter or thought insufficient. Even now, tears streaming down my face, I am undone. wrecked.

Jesus, I am asking for the nations. I am crying out for the Islamic peoples. I see them. I will not pass them by. Not one. I will see them as you do, stand for them as you do. Just one. Just one. Thats all it takes.

"Mallory. In the desert of Islam, wellsprings of life are waiting to be found. Do not pass them by. All it will take is one. One wellspring will become a river that will bring life and restoration to the land (Islam). Just one."

With a blink of my eye I am looking into their eyes. Eyes of a people group that is lost in deception but has captured the heart of my papa. I have chosen to live a life in the secret place and to reside in his heart...Walking lower still.

Mallory. If you choose to live here you must feel the pain as well as the joy. You must be responsible for my heart. Protect it.

Yes Papa. I will protect it with everything I am. I will stand guard.

He who dwells in the secret place of the most high will abide in the shadow of the Almighty.