Secret #1. things that make me gag.

I'm a strong woman. I am...Can handle more than most, I'd say...thick skinned. But there are some things...not a lot, just a few...that really disgust me. EEgggh. Makes me gag...for example...

toothpicks. I HATE toothpicks. I cannot imagine too many things worse...ever seen that movie Uncle Buck? Ok, I saw it a few times as a kid but a scene of that movie has stuck with me and will forever haunt me..Buck's friend is sitting at the bowling alley with a nasty toothpick in his mouth, gazing disgustingly at Buck's niece...so now, everytime I see a man with a toothpick, I want to gag...

nasty. mushy, squishy.-why even allow these words to be in the dictionary....eeeggguggghh.

smushed french fries on the floor---memories I'd rather forget from jr. high school when I fell and my face landed on a smushed french fry on the caf floor. terrible.

olives.

mayonaise. I was at a church camp when i was 15 when there was a lice breakout...so we had to soak our hair in mayonaise. Its been ruined for me ever since.

Ok, I'm already getting grossed out, so I should stop there.
Just thought I'd share a few untold secrets....so there ya go.

agreement.

Last night Cila and I went to the hospitality room at church, simply needing some time to worship our daddy. We took the mics and drums and before we knew it, we were flying into that intimate place with the heart of papa, asking what HE had to say....

It's awe-inspiring to me the power of the voice of God. How we can walk in doubt and confusion and the second we encounter Jesus, the second we reach that intimate place with daddy, we change. Not just momentarily, but really, really change. Intimacy brings revelation, revelation brings truth, truth brings...freedom. Freedom in knowing that he is the consistency when we are overwhelmed, not knowing which way to turn. FREEEDOMMMMM!

It's time for agreement. Today. TODAYYYYYYYYY. To walk in this exhilirating freedom, we must CHOOSE to come into agreement with the spiritial realm. The minute, the SECOND that choice is made, the atmosphere is shifted and an open heaven is created that makes room for our daddy to work. to move. to FULFILL THE PROMISES! He can speak something in to existence and command us to do something..but until we agree with him, it wont happen. Never...thats just the way it is. You can hear the Lord say, "you're going to preach to the nations, heal the sick, cast out demons." And if your train of thought is "whatever, God, thats not going to happen.." You're right. It wont. But if you say, "YES GOD. I RECEIVE THAT WORD! I BELIEVE YOU JESUS!" then ya know what....that POWER OF AGREEMENT makes room for it to happens and starts the cycle that results in your destiny.

BELIEVE!! BELIEVE WITH EVERYTHING YOU HAVE! BELIEVING IS NOT A RISK: HE NEVER COMES BACK VOID! NEVER! HE DOESN"T KNOW HOW TO BE UNFAITHFUL! HE IS GOOD! HE IS GOOD! HE IS GOOD! HE IS GOOD! HE IS GOOD! HE IS GOOD! HE IS GOOD!

LORD WE AGREE WITH YOU! WE AGREE WITH YOUR PLAN! I AGREE WITH YOU ABOUT MY DESTINY,MY FUTURE! I CALL FORTH THE HEAVENS TO OPEN AND YOUR LOVE TO INVADE EVERY BREATH THAT I TAKE!! SHIFT THE HEAVENS! SHIFT THE EARTH! WE CALL FORTH AGREEMENT BETWEEN THE SPIRITUAL REALM AND THE NATURAL!!!! LET YOUR HEAVENS REIGN!!!!!!!

An Old Friend.

My life is unpredictable. Some call it instability. I call it spontaniety.
But in the midst of the everyday excitement of asking "what will happen today, Jesus?" there are a few stabilizers that make me sit back, relax and take a deep breath. A few stabilizers that I know regardless of where I go or what I do, will continue to bring the continuity to my days...

An old friend. In an effort to keep his identity disclosed, this man will be referred to as...an old friend.

I saw an old friend last night and for the first time in quite some time, we spent a few hours just talking. Conversation to conversation, from laughing about 'going to hell' at old church conferences to discussing the irrifutable actions that must occur in relation to a group of Jesus fanatics who are ready to take on the city. Everytime I see an old friend...or even talk about an old friend, something in me happens. It's an overwhelming love, a sense of protection, honor and respect that seriously brings me to tears. Weird? I know...it kind of is. But its true. Our years of deep friendship have spawned into something incredibly beautiful...and whether it continues to be a friendship, I'm just not sure. Since our introduction, he has taken a place (in my life) on a pedastool, as someone who has set the par as to who and what a man should be...yet existing out of my 'reality,' seemingly impossible for me to have someone so...yea...in my life. What does that mean? Oh, I have no idea.

What I do know is that regardless of what appears to be becoming or what will undoubtedly be a long-lasting relationship, my heart is overwhelmed by my old friend. And I hope it doesn't take so long for another last night. I guess the old sayings are true...

There's nothing like being with an old friend.

Thank you old friend...for being you. And not an old friend at all.

Now.

So. This weekend has been one of the most life-changing, revelation-filled two days of my life. Seriously. I know people say that all the time but I am totally serious. IT has.

Friday afternoon we (Cila & I) left for our "retreat" and headed into the woods. Welll...not so much. We headed out to Vange and Howard's house and hung out there for a few hours and had an absolutely AAMMMAZING time. We talked for a few hours and started to drive back to the Potters when, as we were passing over a bridge, saw what resembled a man kneeling down, holding a child, and somone else. We totally freaked, conviced they were ghosts or something, but following the Spirit and drove back. Turns out they had a car accident and were waiting on the ambulance to arrive. We had a chance to talk to them and pray...it was amazing to see the Lord's purpose for this time. The enemy's intention to plant a spirit of trauma and curse into this family was obvious...but what was more obvious, and simply overwhelming I might add, was the heart of our Father to intervene and say "NO-this is MY family and MY territory--and I will not allow the enemy to thwart the plans for my people." We went in to this scene and blessed this family with heavenly blessings---I can't even imagine the Lord's plans for these people...

Ya know, this is what life is all about. The purpose of life is to live extravagantly, finding Jesus in every moment of every day. Our Jesus is not dormant...he is on the move, all the time, all we have to do is see it and take notice. I've spent my life dreaming of my plans for the future, wondering what plans the Lord has stored up for me....but you know what? That's all well and good and its true...He DOES have great gifts in the storehouse of heaven...but is already RELEASING good gifts today and if we all keep focusing on tomorrow, we are totally gonna miss out on today....and I refuse to let that happen!

A wise 13-year-old told us an awesome God story today. He followed-up by saying, "And that's just yesterdays...not even todays!"

AND THAT IS SOOOOO IT! Yesterday was great...and tomorrow is gonna be great...but today...today is NOW. The time where God and Holy Spirit are MOVING and we can't miss it...we cant!

So, live each moment, finding the Jesus in every second...freedom resides in the now...

free yourself!

everytime.

Everytime you move your eyes...a new song. Everytime you move your gaze...a new wave.

No one ever said this journey was easy...no one ever said the ride was smooth. But with each step, each move, each valley we must tread through and raging river we must cross...we are moving forward. I used to believe in free will and this concept of 'choosing' really did exist...I was wrong.

It was a beautiful evening in late June when my friend, Laura, and I decided we wanted to leave the missions base in Pemba, Mozambique and hit up the bar for a gin and tonic and have a relaxing night. Ohhh...wait...we're in Pemba, there ARE no bars here. So, we settled for a Chai from Starbucks...hmm...oh, yea, no Starbucks. What we DID finally settle upon is the luxurious 5-star Pemba Beach Hotel right on the beauty of Wimbi Beach...and a diet coke. Anyways, we wanted to stop doing ministry and just have a night to ourselves. Good idea, right? We found a table on the outer porch, creating as close to a "coffee-shop atmosphere" as possible. We just started talking about what the Lord was doing in our lives and we suddenly had this feeling that we weren't alone---we weren't alone at all. It was at this point in my life when I realized "free will" was just an idea used in attempt to feel some sort of control over a life when, in reality, we aren't in control at all...Holy Spirit is.

I began to see how every step, every decision of my life had been shaped and sharpened to design a beautiful creation. Unfinished, yet beautiful. The result?

Me.

You see, when we make the choice to follow our King and accept the fullness of Holy Spirit, we get completely ruined, completely wrecked for life. You can't taste the goodness of God, see the reality of Heaven on Earth, experience the love and compassion of Jesus and pretend to live your life without it...with each experience with Holy Spirit, a seed is planted that says "I want more, I have to have more, I can't live with just this much, I'll do whatever you ask, I'll follow you anywhere." And its only a matter of time before your life becomes a whirlwind of waves...encountering the Father and allowing His gazes, His words, Holy Spirit to be the wind the blows you into the next steps...there is no worry. There is no pressure. When it is time to be released, you will be released...when it is time to slow down and receive, you'll find yourself slowing down and entering a season to receive.

After a train is built, tested and approved, it is placed and locked onto tracks...doing this lessens responsibility on the conductor. They only real power in their hands is whether they choose to move or stay stationary...but they can't get off track. Same with us...we are on the tracks, unable to head the wrong direction if we just allow ourselves to move, flow freely, gracefully to the tunes of Holy Spirit. Allowing ourselves to sing a love song...to Him.

Every time you move your gaze...a new wave...

I don't care where the winds take me Jesus...I'm just along for the ride.

i am.

My sister always talks about this show called Boston Legal...ever seen it? Well, I hadn't, until tonight, that is. I have to admit, it's quite funny...a somewhat pleasing mix of political humor and the appealing drama of a law firm. Anyway, there's this guy...the Rescue 911 guy...who used to be this high-end lawyer and the best of the best. Over time he began to question his ability and whether he still had what it takes to be the best. This particular episode featured this man take on a huge case...in which he did a phenominal job and closed the show saying in a confident tone: and I AM Denny Crane. I AM.

I am Mallory Paige Gabard. I am the girl who was born into the weaves of a small-town but made with genes that never seemed to fit. I'm the girl who spent hours upon hours sitting in her room reading novels at the age of 10 and the girl who never seemed to understand why racism and judgement loomed over her hometown. I am still the girl who stood in front of the United Nations at age 15 and believed with an overwhelming passion in diplomacy and the spirit of peace that she said to herself "if I have to go to every one of these nations to show them how to live in peace, I'll do it." I'm the girl who said "ok, jesus, I'll believe in you" on my best friend's kitchen floor and knew that somehow, my life would never be the same.

And I am the young woman that followed her heart to a place called Belmont University in Nashville. I am the young woman who met a man named Mark Woodward and got completely wrecked at the feet of Jesus as he poured Holy Spirit upon my very being. I'm the young woman who knew any chance at a 'normal' life was diminished as she relentlessly entered a journey into His heart. I'm the woman who was called "out of reality" and decided if that was the case, she didnt' want reality, she wanted Jesus. And she was the woman who followed His voice to a place called Mozambique, Africa, where she fell in love...in more ways than one. She found a missing piece of her heart in the hands of the poor and hungry and met a man who completely swept her off her feet. A woman who decided that no matter the cost, I would never make a decision based on fear, prejudice or judgement and a woman who was often called naive, but utterly devoted to stand in faith and believe in the promises and goodness of Jesus.

And I am still that woman.

No matter what it might look like...or feel like...I am that woman. The heart inside me for the nations, peace, and culture beats on. The feet that held me through persecution are still holding me up. And the same hunger to simply live a long song for my King that led me across the planet to an unreached people is the same hunger that leads me here, right now, sitting on my purple couch with my sweet puppy, knowing with confidence...I live on.

I am Mallory.

I am.

the palm

Today has been such a strange day. I had a difficult test and important presentation due today, so I had every intention of waking up about 5 am to study but I slept through my alarm, which NEVER happens to me, and missed out some opportune study time. I took the test and breezed through the presentation, left school and hurridly drove home in an effort to get to Cila as soon as possible. We hadn't seen each other in over a week and a half, which for us is a substantial amount of time, being that our friendship went from "I don't like her, she's arrogant" to "omigosh, you're my #3 on speed dial" in a matter of days! I am beyond blessed, honored, humbled, and just plain grateful for such an amazing friend...our friendship was so totally ordained by the Lord and I am so excited to see what His plans are for the two of us...I can only imagine the adventures that await us!

Well, I finally got to the Dollars' house where she was babysitting and like every other time we're together, we just sat back and talked about what Jesus was up to. I've been in one of those moods today where something was on my mind, I just didn't know what it was. Was it something I forgot to do....something I left in NYC...I'm not sure. After being totally blessed by a pizza guy, we took a drive in Jeff's car---we needed fresh air--and stayed for about 30 minutes at the overlook on Barry Chapel.. Tears were streaming down my face as I felt an unfamliar wave of emotion and what began as a strong, confident woman, had become transformed into a little girl sitting on her papas lap, reaching out for anything that felt behavior.

Suddenly I felt a holy fear settled in the car and sumbitting to silence was the idea that was the missling link that completed our trio for the evening. I closed my eyes and within seconds, I was resting in the palm of God's hand, each new day rising to form a new wrinkle or spot. His vastness and sovereignity seemed overwhelming---and here I was, this little girl, crying out for anything...a touch, a whisper, a turn of his gaze---anything. I feel his hands in my midst--his palm creating a safe haven, a house of love and hope, a place for me to rest....and simply call home.

his palm...my home.

\

i know.

I know that one day the clouds will have to part.
I know that one day the sun will come back out.
I know.
One Day.

The theatre spoke with a resounding blackness that seemed to drown out every sound, from the pounding drums bellowing from the orchestra pit to the muffled whispers emerging from the back rows. My entire being was engulfed by what was happening on stage....
one man, tangled in a web of confusion, searching for truth.
one woman, believing in the truth, regardless of what appears to be, leaving her own in perseverence of victory.
All the while, saying....

I know that one day the clouds will have to part.
I know that one day the sun will have to come out.
I know.
One Day.


My mind struggles to conceive all the thoughts, questions, ideas, and worries that spun me into a journey...a search...
What am I searching for, you might ask....I'm not so sure.

When I do....I'll let you know.

covered with sparkle.

It's day ONE of my New York City vacation with Lyd and in the midst of swimming through streets flooded with rain, we are having a great time. Our flight got in a bit late but we arrived at the Crowne Plaza around 1pm, grabbed our umbrellas and took out the streets, grabbing a quick bite to eat at fridays. We came back to our hotel about 4 and took a power nap, had dinner at Roxys then grabbed the metro to Greenwich for an evening at the Comedy Cellar. Overall it was a good time, take away a few crude remarks about sex and women, it would have been even better. We had about reached our limit and grabbed a cab back and now, almost 1 am, I'm laying in an white, giant-sized bed, trying to muffle all the thoughts fighting for space in my head and simply go to sleep.

Why is it never that easy?

I don't pretend to understand...I don't even try, not even sure that I want to.

So, until I have a bit more to say...or, haha, I'm awake enough to explain write anyway, I'll say boi noite, dormir bien.

Good Night Sweet World....Goodnight. May I learn from you and allow Holy Spirit, my best friend, to guide and lead me into all truths....

A New Chapter

At the persistant request of my dearest friend, Cila, I have decided to start a new chapter of my life...literally...and begin sharing some of my thoughts, dreams, visions and revelations with this newfound world of 'blogging.' Not that I really understand the concept behind an 'online diary' but hey, I'm up for something new.

Given the fact this is my first entry, I do feel a sense of responsibilty to write words that are somewhat insightful or awe-inspiring...but in all reality, no one knows I have this, well, besides Cila, and she knows my man-voice, so why should I try to impress...

I'm sitting in my apartment right now, lounging on my purple couch with my beautiful Bella (Bichon Frise puppy) cuddled at my side, listening to the melo-dramatic tunes of Bethany Dillon and waiting for Lydia, my best friend from high school, to get done with homework so we can finish getting ready for our fall break getaway trip to NYC. We need a break. Bad. Her husband just left for his second tour of duty in Iraq and I was supposed to be getting married this month....we need a break.

I love New York. Something about the way I can walk into the streets and lose myself in the vastness of this hub of communication and life. I have a dominant personality and often find myself in front of life, even when I'm trying to avoid it, so when I go to a place like NYC, I enjoy being one in thousands, walking the streets, peering in the windows of Macy's, sitting on a bench in Bryant Park and watching people pass, trying to figure out their stories and why they are doing whatever they are doing at that particular moment. Cila and I have decided that we are moving to NYC in May and going to just work and have fun...and audition for STD and Viagra commercials. Hahaha. I mean, someone has to do it...why us? That's just a SOZO waiting to happen!

I think that's all I want to say tonight. Let's see if I can figure out how to post some of pictures.....